I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
