cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
