the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
