You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
