matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
