I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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