He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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