My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
