The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Blow job season was short but glorious.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
