im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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