But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
