i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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