It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
