My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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