i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
