so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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