Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
