Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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