I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
