dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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