i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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