Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she told me i tasted like america
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
