I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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