so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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