Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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