Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
two words...techno handjob
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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