Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
