it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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