I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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