I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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