he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
