I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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