god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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