yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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