I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
