Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
