I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
