Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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