i just had sex bonerless
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
