so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
bring money and cleavage
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
