just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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