god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wear drunk well.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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