I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Randomize
