I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
