My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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