I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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