Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
please come you make the beer taste better
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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