i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
