my shit smells like andre
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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