you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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