i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
