Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
