saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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