one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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