Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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