I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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