you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
