u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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