it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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