I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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