You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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