ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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