put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
