Yo dont text me then not text me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
