i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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