why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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