i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
