you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
